I don't know how I always get stuck in these crazy work dilemmas but I've been agonizing over this for the better part of the weekend. Now I'm up ridiculously early thinking about it and trying to decide what to do.
I've worked at the state hospital for just over 1 year. I put in my notice and my last actual working day is Sunday, October 7. I resigned mostly because I was angry -- much of the staff there are malicious gossips and I've never worked in an environment like that before. It's toxic. It irritates me, perhaps more than it should and I certainly realize that my difficulties there have as much to do with me as it does with everyone else. I liked my job there, though. I was good at it. I have friends there. I'm reluctant to leave because it's easy, comfortable, and with good state benefits. I'm considering retracting my resignation, staying 50% (working 3-4 days a week, maybe with a day or two at hospice per week for balance), getting back on my medication (!) and maybe just not getting involved with the bullshit drama (which reminds me I need to talk to Christy), and perhaps going back to school.
That is option 1.
Option #2:
I've tentatively accepted a job at a state correctional institute in Delaware. It's a pretty large prison and houses everyone from guys at the work release camp or vop (violation of parole), to pre-trial housing, to the actual housing units (minimum, mod, max security). I'd be responsible for giving meds, taking care of sick people in the infirmary, doing intakes when people come into the prison and need blood testing and physicals, and responding to crises on the tiers and in the yard. The job is either a 0.4 benefitted position (which there means I work 4 days a week and qualify for full benefits) or I can take a full-time 4p-12a position (5 days per week). I'm not a state employee, there, the healthcare providers are contractual. It's a men's prison, in Georgetown (about 25 miles from here). This is a much more medically-focused position than I've had in a LONG time and that is both intimidating and exciting. I can't remember the last time I started an IV or drew blood. I can't lie, I'm also excited about going to work in a prison. The prison is old. The medical area is antiquated, I believe the charting is not yet computerized, and they don't even have a voicemail system. Which is crazy, but whatevs. The money is better than where I am now.
Option #3:
I shadowed for a brief period of time at Potomac Ridge Behavior Center, which used to be called Chesapeake Youth Center. This is a residential treatment center for troubled kids. On the surface the job seems perfect for me -- it's a center for kids, some developmentally disabled and some of average cognition. It's not the same as Kennedy, to be sure, but it's probably the closest I'll come to it on the shore. It would be 12 hour shifts (thank you Jesus), 7p - 7a, 3 days per week. An awesome schedule. I'd have to work every other or every third weekend. The bad thing is that that place is complete chaos. They are short of nurses and psych counselors. The kids are so bad because there aren't enough people to enforce rules and structure. The kids have broken into the nursing station, they fight, they bully each other and they have a more colorful vocabulary than I do. And that's saying something. Right now there is no nurse manager and no 3-11 supervisor (the person who was transitioning to the role of 3-11 supervisor from her current role of nurse manager quite with no notice the night before I shadowed). I would only have to deal with them for 4 hours or so before they went to bed. The daytime nurse gives out the evening meds and I generally only have to deal with the morning meds before I leave. It's across the street from the state hospital, so still a 30 mile commute, but I'd only be making it 3 days a week instead of 4 or 5. It's a benefitted position. I could still work at hospice a day or two if I wanted to do that, or I could take 4 days off a week if I wanted to do THAT. I could go back to school and it would be an ideal situation for taking classes on my days off and maybe doing some school stuff at work. The counselors I hung out with were AWESOME and told me that the only problems people usually had were with staff, not kids, and that most of the negative, trouble-making staff were gone.
The money is still up in the air. They hadn't contacted me since I shadowed, so I felt ok accepting the prison job, and then I received an email from her over the weekend. I will see what the money is and then I'll make a final decision, I guess.
So there it is. The work dilemma. I think staying at the state because it's safe and comfortable would be a mistake, because I really wasn't happy in that environment. I can't be around that kind of crushing negativity all the time.
But I still don't know what to do.

The iPod seems to have repaired itself. I did as ppsassygrl suggested and let the battery die and then recharged it. It's ok at the moment but I haven't really tried using it. I had a 2 mile run scheduled for today but am going to skip it due to the wonders of the female reproductive system. I remember hearing about a pill you can take where you'll only get your cycle once every 3-4 months. I may look into that. I can only take so many health appointments at one time, though, and I have a derm appt scheduled for the end of this month (think good thoughts for me) and then I think I need to have my eyes examined.
I'm working today and tomorrow (I'll likely be charge both days) and then am off Friday and Saturday. I had originally requested off to do something for St. Patrick's Day but now I don't think I will. I'm trying to save money for our vacation but, more than that, I have NO alcohol tolerance anymore. It's no fun drinking with your friends when you are toast after a beer and a half.
Trust me on that one.
That's all. I had breakfast and took some naproxen and now I think I'm going to go relax for awhile with the heating pad*.







*and when I say "heating pad" what I mean is "dog".

Yesterday I went to the gym and did a low-weight version of the full-body routine I used to do 3x/week (before I started running, back when I wanted to be a powerlifter RAWR!). This is how it went (each set is 15 reps each):
A leisurely 10 min warm up walk on the treadmill
Dumbbell squats, 2 sets @ 10# (one 10# dumbbell, full depth each rep)
Bench press, 2 sets @ 20#
Overhead shoulder press, 2 sets @ 20#
Cable row, 2 sets @ 30#
Lat pulldown, 2 sets @ 30#
Crunches (2 sets of regular ones and 1 set on each side for obliques)
Lots and lots of stretching, before weights, in between sets, and afterward.

Let me just say, for essentially unweighted squats, they really killed my quads. I was wincing going up and down the stairs. Today's run was difficult because my quads were heavy and sore.

So today was a 3 miler. I went to the park where it is 60+ degrees and sunny. It occurred to me that the iPod has a stopwatch on it and I used it for the first mile, before it went tits up. Now I can't reset it or anything. Those apple fuckers.
Mile 1: 9:36
Miles 2 and 3: anyone's guess. Judging by my not-very-specific watch, each lap was right around 10 minutes each. This has me thinking that I must be missing HALF the trail because I'm nowhere near fit enough to run a sub-10 minute mile.
Am I?
Wow!
Someone talk me out of getting a new nano. Hurry!

and I'm still waiting for that OMGWTFBBQ winter storm. Right now it's warm and rainy.

And here's a picture of my sausage kitty, Fleur, eating ice cream from a spoon:



You'll notice the ice cream is pretty much gone. Piglet. It was cake batter, too.

Nothing news-worthy is going on in my life. I am taking the week off running because I'm "under the weather", as they say. My cold symptoms have mostly dissipated but I still feel fatigued, generally unwell and rather like I've been run over by a truck. I'm off today and tomorrow. My BFF is going shopping with me tonight because it's, well, February 13 and I don't have anything for S. yet. She's so difficult to buy for.
*cries*
Work is work. One of my favorite patients is being discharged on Thursday morning and I hope all goes well for her and she's able to stay discharged. The last time she was gone less than 24 hours but she seems pretty stable and future-oriented right now so I'm hoping for the best.
I'm still agonizing over my hair. I'll be getting something done to it this weekend. I'm not sure what yet but it will be different. I'll post pics.
That's all. I told you shit was boring.

No running today. I woke up sick. I took Stacey's advice and used some of the homeopathic nasal swabs but I still feel like shit. I'll be going to work anyway. Hopefully I can make it through this weekend but if I must call out, I will.
Since I have nothing else to do, I've been considering what to do with my hair.
Here's what I've come up with so far:
This short choppy shag:


With this cropped fringe:


Perhaps an inch or so longer, perhaps not. I don't know, I also really like the side-swept bangs in the first picture but I'm currently obsessed with the idea of baby bangs. I've also decided to stop coloring my whole head and am going to try for light brown or red highlights.
Suggestions/comments/input?

Unless you run hardcore...

I was the only one in the park today, except for the parks & rec maintenance guy. That's not unusual, during the week, and it is particularly not unusual on a day like today -- snow on the ground and temperatures in the high teens. I got all the way to the park ("all the way" = about 2 miles from my house) and realized I'd left my iPod here, so no running podcasts to listen to.
When I started, it was cold. Frigid kind of cold. I was about halfway through my first mile and I'm ashamed to admit I was dreaming of my toasty gym and wondering if I should go there and hop on the treadmill. I came to my senses, though. I went around the pondside trail 3+ times (the trail is about 1 mile long) in 30 minutes, did a little stretching and went home.
On the second (or third?) loop, I stepped on a tree limb that shot up and snapped off on the back of my leg. Ouch. I didn't stop to look then but did have a look when I got home and I now have a tree limb shaped hole in my leg. This trail running is treacherous.
And THIS is me, being the crazy grinning badass that I am:

I have a friend who is a flake. No, seriously. She's the standard friend that almost everyone has, the kind of getting-on-her-feet friend that never quite gets there. She has crazy relationship drama, she is emotionally and financially unstable, she is still on my cell phone plan from 4 years ago when I offered to have her on there for a year until she could save up for her own deposit.
She calls me all the time when something is wrong. When there's nothing for me to fix, she doesn't. She asks for my advice and doesn't take it. She swears up and down she'll be there for something and never is.
This morning, for example. She swears she's going to run this 5 mile race with me in March and hasn't begun to train yet. I'm not sure that she could run from her car to her apartment, actually. (Oh, wait, she doesn't have a car. The latest one was also repossessed.) She asked me to get up early so that we could run around 9:30 am, then she'd go home and take a nap. So this morning her girlfriend text messages me to say that she's not going.
Meh, ok. Whatever. I should know by now not to depend on her and I guess I do. I didn't really expect her to go. It would have been nice, but I didn't expect it. It's ok, anyway, I'll go for an early run in the snow. YAY me.
I did quite a bit of juggling last night at work to be able to be off on Thursday. We're going to a Victoria's Secret lingerie model event at a place here in town. I'm excited about that (I'm excited whenever there are half-nekkid women involved).
That's the all. I'm off running.
ALSO: why are clothes exponentially more comfortable when they are falling apart? The pullover that Stacey's mom got her is seriously falling apart. I'm wearing a red shirt underneath and you can see the red through the holes at the zipper, the hem line, the shoulder seams. I never want to part with this garment, it is so warm and comfy. Perfect running apparel. Ok, I'm going now. Srsly.

I know, everyone and their mother is posting about how fucking cold it is. I never said I was particularly creative.
I don't dress for the weather. Generally, in the dead of winter, I'll go out in a long-sleeved t-shirt or a track jacket. Today, however, was subfreezing with a wind chill nearing negative values. That's hella cold, for me. So this is me going to work (please ignore the funny look on my shiny face):



Hat crocheted by Stacey, and scarf knitted by yours truly! Gloves store bought (I'm not that advanced).

And, just for a comparison picture, here's me & the happy hooker a little warmer:



Poor quality pic. I apologize. She's so goddamned cute I can't stand it.

*dies*

Well, I've had my daily iced coffee and now I'm off to the gym. Today is a cross-training day and I have a date with the elliptical. It's fucking cold outside and I *so* don't want to go.
I had a horrendously awful weekend. Well, Saturday was awful. I won't go into details but I was a raving lunatic wielding a hatchet. Sunday wasn't so bad -- it started out with a sub-freezing run (yay!) and ended with some drunken post-superbowl sex. Woot!
I'm thinking of starting that sex filter. Anyone interested?
I'm off to the gym before I change my mind. Info on vacation and other stuff forthcoming.

Today was a cross-training day. I got to the gym (a bit late, courtesy of me searching the intarwebs for the best myspace layout EVAR -- I'm still not completely satisfied, but it'll do for now) and realized I really wanted to run. I didn't want to cross-train. I wanted to run! So I placated my itchy legs and ran about 1.5 miles and then did the elliptical for 25 minutes.
And then ran into a doctor I worked with at Coastal Hospice. It was weird. We talked for a brief moment (he was taking a tour, I think) and then I came home to check my email and found a message from a nurse I worked with at Coastal Hospice, telling me that my old 4-12 is vacant and how much she'd love it if I came back (she and I were peers). Someone talk me out of it, quick and in a hurry. It would be awesome to go back because it's SO close and I'm comfortable in that environment. I'd have more time for running. I could run home from work (it's 3 miles). The benefits wouldn't be so good but the pay would be comparable, considering I'd be reducing my 60 mile commute to 6.
Talk me out of it. Remind me why I left. Please.
What I really want to talk about is this: I have a patient who is (if you'll excuse the term) crazy for me. Fo' realz. It goes way beyond a crush, I think. He is uber-flirty with me, he's offered to meet me for a drink when he is discharged, he wants to fix up my house and cook me dinner and generally DATE me. For example, we were all sitting in the day hall watching television the other night and (talking to an elderly female patient) I mentioned that I had a bit of a crush on Gil Grissom from CSI, especially when he has the salt and pepper beard thing happening (so HAWT). Now this pt hasn't shaved for a week and he told his roommate he's growing a beard because "Nurse Rebecca likes guys with beards". Ok, for one he is totally barking up the wrong tree. Besides that this is a huge boundary issue and I know that there are some people who really can't discern the difference between kindness and romantic interest. It's sweet that he's so taken with me but it's alarming also, mostly because he knows the system and he should know that staff and patients don't date. Or shouldn't date, I guess I should say. Maybe I've been interacting with him too much. I've certainly never been anything less than professional with him. I've never accepted any inappropriate behavior without redirecting him for it, at the time, and then discussing it privately later.
Maybe this is why I am thinking about Hospice today (that and the Dr. Dave/Nurse Debbie contacts). At least in hospice things were more black and white. People are terminally ill, they come in, we stabilize them and they die. End of story. None of this boundary shit.

It's cold today. 20-something. I have grown to LOVE running in cold weather. I don't know what it is that is so appealing to me, but I'm on the trails in track pants and a t-shirt (if it's 30+) or track pants, a t-shirt, and a pullover that is falling apart (if it is sub-freezing). I like the way the ground crunches under my feet, the gradual way I warm up and my hands loosen from frozen hooks into something slightly more functional, how there are generally less people and more wildlife out and about. I particularly like the way the sun glints on the frozen pond. There's something serene about running that I've never recognized before.
Probably because before I would have been running only if the cops were chasing me.
So I'm chilling here with my starbucks mocha frap (I bought a 4-pack of them at Walmart yesterday, christ on a cracker I love this stuff), waiting for my recent podcast to download, so I can get out there. I'm very nearly a couch to 5k graduate. I have this week and next and then that's it. This week I'm running for 28 minute intervals, which translates to a rough 2.8 miles if you run 10 minute miles but I think my trail miles are a bit slower than that, mostly due to the terrain. It's good, though. I can feel the hill work in my quads.
I'm training for a 5 mile river run here in early March and the OC Marathon 5k in April. Then there's the half-marathon in September and I'm not sure what else. I plan to do A LOT of hiking, rafting, and running in Asheville on vacation (anyone on my flist ever been there?).
Working straight through until the weekend and then driving to the western shore to exchange xmas gifts with my parents. Yes, I know it'll be February. Thanks for your input.

I wonder how many updates have that same title? Bwahahahahaha!

Ok, I admit I haven't blogged in awhile. But what I want to know is -- who all on my flist is posting naked pictures of themselves and may I please have the links?

Kthxbye.

Although I am a state employee and today is a recognized holiday in honor of Dr. King, I'm considered an "essential employee" which means I have to work anyway. After all, the mentally ill aren't taking today off so I can't, either. I am taking the holiday to make a long weekend towards the end of the month.
I don't like working on Mondays. I think I'll make it a point not to work so many Mondays on my next schedule.
Today is my resting day, so I puttered around the house this morning and did a few loads of laundry. Cooked an amazing pot of chili although it seems almost too warm to eat it. I glanced at the weather forecast and it should be a bit cooler soon, dropping down to the high 30s on Wednesday (my next scheduled running day and the start of Week 7) but besides that it looks like we'll be in the high 40s - low 50s. Good running weather.
I have a ginormous, fluid-filled blister on my right heel. You needed to know that, right?
I'm very hesitantly considering running this over Labor Day weekend. Hopefully someone can talk me out of it before I register. Seriously, it's EIGHT MONTHS AWAY. That should be plenty of time to train, right?
We'll see. It sounds like a good time, anyway. Especially the free sandals and beer at the end. Because that, my friend, is what motivates me. Not the finisher's cert/medal/whatever at the end, nope. Me running after free beer is like a rabbit after a carrot. Or a hound after a rabbit. Or something like that.
Of course it did occur to me that, with the registration fee alone, I could buy plenty of beer and not have to run 13.1 miles to get it. But where's the fun in that?

My run today was a mixed bag of good and bad. I have a pretty spectacular blister on my right foot, courtesy of the new shoes (actually, I think it's more courtesy of my no-show socks which dipped below the heel of the shoe). The park was packed full of people.
I was doing pretty well for the first 8-10 minutes -- going at a faster clip than usual, even -- and then I started having cramps from HELL. So bad that I thought I was going to puke at any moment. I ran through them, thinking that if I stopped I'd never be able to start up again and I was still a mile or two from the parking lot. I ran the whole time but at the end I was S-L-O-W.
My thoughts:
1. I'm pretty hardcore for finishing (and this was 25 minutes of straight running with no walking breaks, my longest yet).
2. This has helped illustrate how much I've improved. The pace I was maintaining at the end used to be my standard running pace. Now I'm MUCH faster than that.
That is all. My cramps mysteriously vanished after I stopped running although I have a feeling they'll start up again at some point. I had my standard recovery snack (apple slices with peanut butter) and now I'm going to take a shower and go to the grocery store.
My plan for the rest of the day is to finish some laundry, make brownies, and stay hydrated.

My new Saucony Excursion TRs, ready for their maiden voyage:



They will never be this clean again. I likely won't take a picture of them again, either, as they aren't allowed indoors. Ignore the precarious stack of paper. I don't think S. has filed anything lately.

Ok, so here's what I did:
I bought shoes. Started out at Dick's (which is a HUGE store and I'm totally in love) but they didn't have any trail shoes. I picked up some Saucony trailers at Lady Foot Locker along with a few pairs of socks and some shock-absorbing insoles. Can't WAIT to try out the new gear tomorrow.
Came home and had Dorito's and Blue Moon for dinner. I can't remember the last time I had chips. They were good and now I feel really full and bloated. I don't feel badly about the calories because that's the only thing I've eaten (aside from the cereal this morning afternoon).
Now I think I'll take a bath and put my pajamas back on.
I hate the Colts.

Ganked from jason_bond_69:

1. Where is your cell phone?: On computer desk
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?: beautiful
3. Your hair?: unruly
4. Your mother?: strong
5. Your father?: reliable (and funny!)
6. Your favorite item?: iPod (and my camelbak water bottle)
7. Your dream last nightthis morning?: CRAZY. It had to do with top chef and eating cookies out of the trash, that's all I remember.
8. Favorite drink?: Mojito
9. Your dream car?: One without a monthly payment.
10. The room you are in?: office
11. Your ex?: old, wrinkled, and fat (ha!)
12. Your fear?: inadequacy
13. 10 years from now?: marathoner
14. Who did you hang out with last night?: the mentally ill (and the patients, too!)
15. What you're not?: flaky
16. Muffins?: banana nut
17: One of your wish list items?: new vera bradley bag, nike/nano kit
18: Time?: ...is on your side...
19. The last thing you did?: update my lj
20. What are you wearing?: pajama pants, ani difranco shirt
22. Your favorite book?: Hannibal
23. The last thing you ate?: kashi cereal
24. Your life?: blessed
25. Your mood?: good, awake
26. Your friends?: few but awesome
27. What are you thinking about right now?: getting dressed to go shopping
28. Your car?: PT Cruiser with the dream package, baybee!
29. What are you doing at the moment?: this meme, drinking water
30. Your summer?: running, hopefully a raise at work, the beach + mojitos
31. Your relationship status?: as close to married as a queer can get (in this state)
32. What is on your tv?: Court TV
33. When is the last time you laughed?: this morning
34. Last time you cried? can't remember. Maybe Christmas.
35. School?: Meh, maybe. Maybe not. I'm happy with my level of education at the moment.

I woke up about an hour ago. Actually, I woke up much earlier, at 7 am, but went back to bed around 10 or so. Now I'm still hanging out in my pajamas, having had a late breakfast of kashi honey flax cereal with skim milk and gingerbread coffee while watching The Investigators on Court TV. More details than you needed, eh?
After I finish this entry and finish putzing around on my friends page I think I'll throw some jeans on and go to Dick's. I need new trail shoes and perhaps a tube of body glide and a couple other various and sundry running items. I also need to go to the grocery store as we have three apples, a box of lobster claws, and not much else.
Yesterday I ran at Pemberton. It was in the high 40s which, I've discovered, is too warm for running with a track jacket. I ended up double knotting the sucker around my waist so that it would stay there for the second half of my run. Pemberton is a park with 4 or 5 different, intersecting trails, so I often start on one and move to another without completing the first one. Yesterday, for example, I think I started on the wetland walk and moved on to the woodland trail (this one is hell, it is at a really steep incline), then the bell island trail, and then the pondside one. I was coming around the opposite side of the pond, near where the fishing pier is and the picnic tables are, the spot where I fell and twisted my ankle when I went out on Wednesday. There's a small foot bridge that goes over the pond and then a steep slope to get past the equestrian area and back into the woods. I was running at a pretty good pace -- I find that I'm getting faster at times, which is a welcome change -- and I came to a dead halt at the foot bridge. Standing in the center was a great blue heron. If you've never seen one before, these suckers are about 4 feet tall with a 7 foot wingspan (I think), and look like this:




I've never seen one so close before. I recovered and jogged in place for a minute, thinking that it would notice me and fly away, but it didn't. Well, it noticed me. But it didn't fly away. It turned its head, and its feathers bunched up around its neck, and it stared at me with one eye but it didn't move. Eventually I ran a wide circle around the bird and circled around the trail again, partly out of curiosity to see if it would still be there on my return trip. It was, still standing in the center of the foot bridge, but this time its feathers were dripping with water as if it had just been in the pond.
The bird was breathtakingly beautiful. I wish I had a camera with me (the photos here are taken from wikipedia). I have a sneaking suspicion that this trail running thing might lead me into birding.
I got a postcard in the mail yesterday from my sister, ppsassygrl, who apparently has fallen in love with Arizona. I'm not altogether sure she's coming back to the east coast.
Oh, and I lost 1.8# this week.
YAY me!

Easy day at the gym today. I cycled. I went 10 miles or so, I think. Nothing too strenuous in the interest of resting my ankle which still hurts. It's tender, I guess would be the best way to put it. I still have complete range of motion and there's no swelling or bruising so I'm pretty sure it's not sprained/strained/seriously injured. It's just sore.
Tomorrow I'm running.
This weekend I'm buying new shoes. And perhaps new socks. And maybe one of those headband-type things to put over my ears when it's crazy cold out. I will NOT be a hamster at the gym. I will NOT!
(Ok, I sort of was today, but you know what I mean.)
I was pretty sure I killed my iPod. I turned it on and the apple flashed briefly and then it went dead. About three times. I even tried to reset it and it didn't work. I have the video one and I've read recently that it's a bad idea to run with them because of the hard drive inside (something butts up against something else, or the jostling motion causes something to happen, can't remember the details). I had almost convinced myself that it would be totally acceptable to get a new iPod nano, with the nike+ kit, since I was buying shoes anyway.
Sadly, it seems to have fixed itself, so no shiny new nano for me.